A friend told me over lunch one day that I needed a "list." A list of what I want. What I need. What I see as mine. Okay. I mulled it over for a couple of days. What harm could a written list do to my general psyche? Might help. Certainly couldn't hurt.
I made a list. It was part bucket list; part relationship oriented. The bucket list part was fun to write. I fantasized about where I would go, what I would do and what I would feel.
The relationship part just about did me in. Thinking about what I wanted in a personal relationship was overwhelming. It wasn't because I wanted diamond rings or lavish gifts. It was because my desires were so very simple. At least I thought they were.
I have always wanted to be in a long term, passionate, sexually charged relationship with my best friend. Someone that I can trust wholeheartedly and say anything to. Someone who will let me fall asleep on their chest and will be happy to see me first thing in the morning. Someone who will leave me an unexpected love note. Someone who will glance across the table at me, past all the other dinner guests, and look at me with eyes that desire every inch of who I am.
Seems simple. But it's not. Those simple gestures are hard to find; hard to hold on to. Maybe that is why women desire the diamong rings or the lavish gifts. Perhaps they signify those simple things that are missing in their personal relationships. A love note doesn't cost much; diamonds do.
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