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February 07, 2007



Sorry dear, but I fart in my cubicle all day, every day. I can't help it. I'm a farter, I always have been, and I imagine I always will be. I can't be getting up to go the head every time I need to unleash some methane. It's just not gonna happen. Nor can I hold it in, which would be enormously painful. ...Working in an office requires dealing with all kinds of things we don't like. That's why it's the office, and not your private living room. Now, if some dude comes to your house, sits on your couch, and then lets a smelly one rip, then you have good reason to bitch and moan. But in the office, it's every man, and every woman, for him and herself. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. I do what I have to do to get through the day. I fart. Deal with it. Hear my farts, you peasant, hear them in all their reverberating glory and revel in the nectar that is my pungent, rancid gas.

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